Grey Sky Days

You led me into your kingdom

Built of convoluted lies

Let me get trapped underneath

The stones of dishonesty

I turn into a path of blood

Stomped on all the time

Trying to get across

the bridges inside me

 

Let me fly away

All I find are grey sky days

 

I’m just not your cup of tea

But I’m boiling

Spilling over with each word

Said to my face or overheard

They say syllables hurt worse than the sword

I say the pen is running out of ink

I’ve run out of thoughts to think

Went like water down the bathroom sink

I’m stuck in Earth’s rotation

 

Or maybe it’s yours

 

It’s afternoon on Tuesday

It’s raining on my head

You poured me out of your coffeepot

Sipped me up while I was hot

You took control while I stayed back

I didn’t want to cause a fight

Where you make sure you are right

Even when you guess wrong

That happens quite a lot

 

Let me fly away

All I find are grey sky days

 

I’m just not your cup of tea

But I’m boiling

Spilling over with each word

Said to my face or overheard

They say syllables hurt worse than the sword

I say the pen is running out of ink

I’ve run out of thoughts to think

Went like water down the bathroom sink

I’m stuck in Earth’s rotation

 

Or maybe it’s yours

 

Let me fly somewhere new

One where I’m allowed to be me

Not you

 

I’m just not your cup of tea

But I’m boiling

Spilling over with each word

Said to my face or overheard

They say syllables hurt worse than the sword

I say the pen is running out of ink

I’ve run out of thoughts to think

Went like water down the bathroom sink

I’m stuck in Earth’s rotation

 

Or maybe it’s yours
I’ll make it mine

Shedding My Leather

Out of control

No place to turn to

I’m on a roll

Of old, never brand new

It feels like we stole

When I’m gone and not you

I’ve run into the pole

While you got to come through

 

Life starts to whittle

Away at my skin

It starts as a little

Then turns to a sin

I’m stuck in the middle

All’s left is my kin

Nothing is left that I will

Remember again

 

I suppress all my thoughts

Try to push them aside

They all have me caught

I’m fine on my outside

Within all is stopped

I’ve faked it and lied

For years, they have bought

Now I’m sick of it all inside

 

Lend me an ink pen

And some paper to draw

The paper is too thin

When you need to draw it all

Capitalize every sentence

So the words will not fall

To read, you’ll need a lens

The writing is too small

 

I’ve let out my past

My future and right now

Hopefully this won’t last

I’ll get better somehow

It will not be fast

I’ll need some time to be loud

Get my head out of the cast

I’ll be fine, but some time must be allowed

 

I’m working on my letter

One that’s hard to write

I’ll send it to make me better

So they will see I’m right

I deserve mean words for never

I’ve survived their bite

Their words engraved my leather

But I’m shedding it tonight

Soul

Follow me to the river

Where I will drown my soul

So no one can ever see it

And I will be alone

 

No more screaming voices

Ringing in my ears

Some day soon I’ll get there

It’s been years and years

 

Water soaks into me

I threw myself instead

My soul has been released

My heart’s empty as my head

 

Nobody will miss it

I never used it at all

My fate was taken from me

When I was four feet tall

 

Maybe my soul already left

Change the time on the clock

Spin back hands on it and me

I put up a lock

 

Every person that walks by

Look for one full piece

I’ll tell them that it broke apart

When I was no longer me

 

Time goes by and passes

But I never move forth

I won’t forget the people

Who tore up my self worth

 

My soul is not my body

No matter where they meet

They never will be my friends

My soul is theirs to eat

 

I will try to move forward

I’ll try to drop this skin

The one forced upon me

When I tried to let them in

 

All I wanted was friendship

To build up the fragile vase

They all took it too far

Ripped me like I was lace

 

My soul stops me from drowning

So we can gain control

Become one as one again

I’ll make peace with my soul

Again and Again

Her was the half, muffled by silence

The one who attached herself to self violence

Made sure all went wrong

And what went well fell

Inside of my heart she dug a hole

Ready to devour my hopes and goals

Ready to suck out my very own soul

As I sat there with my mouth taped shut

 

Me was the side that hid behind

The part of me that was not mine

I signed my life away in blood

My one life turned to out of the blue

It has only just begun and she’s winning

While my spinning head makes screwed up decisions

I fight my life away until my fight cannot

Hold on any longer

 

Empty my pockets

Pull out the seams

Show me as I really am

A naked dressed up freak

I’m pulling out the thread

Of this situation so I don’t

Have to pull myself out

Of that grave

Again and again

 

She is the person I was before

When I didn’t know I was behind locked doors

She jumped off a silver cliff

Thought the gold road

Above would catch her paper thin

Personality and her ripped off skin

Begging for a chance to play pretend

She left and left me with real life now

 

This combination of us leads to misery

Her, Me, and She are a convoluted team

We struggle to show we are just one

Our painted faces need a new coat

Ready for people to finger paint with ashes

Give us 40 lashes if we start to lose our passion

Passion for change that won’t occur

So the whip will kiss our backs

 

Empty my pockets

Pull out the seams

Show me as I really am

A naked dressed up freak

I’m pulling out the thread

Of this situation so I don’t

Have to pull myself out

Of that grave

Again and again

 

We fight in one skull, that has been confined

Our bodies and our souls cannot be defined

 

We fight in one skull, that has been confined

Out bodies and our souls cannot be defined

I’ll take back what is mine, as just Me

 

Burning Mass Of Water

If someone would                             

hand me a knife right now

I’d pick it up carefully

Spin it between my finger

Considering the temptation

As I set it in the middle

Of the table, so children

Cannot reach

 

Fight with my old memories

The bitter cold slapping my face

Telling me to cut my skull

In half

So the thoughts can be free

And not have deal with

The water mill in my head

Carrying lead rather than water

Silver, light, metal

Spinning to power the

Aching in my body

 

Depressing my chest

Then inhale again

So maybe the depressing

In my mind won’t come up

To the surface

Like my body will

When the time comes

 

Even the vocal chords

And bass that normally makes

My heart jump is making

My stomach twist like the marching band

Is having a competitions

In its pit.

 

I enter the rollerskating rink

Just to find my thoughts

being like the children

Lively, spinning, and racing

My brain must have sucked

up the energy

The children slow down

It’s time to go

But my brain is not ready

Not until the next set of rugrats

Start their game of circles

I am slow again

We must not have synchronized

Our schedules

 

My words fall out

From between my lips

Too loud and happy

Oh so happy

My insides try to figure out

How can a raincloud catch

On fire

We’ve never needed a firefighter

Up so high in the sky

Who know’s if the ladder will even

Reach up here

 

The fire burns out

On it’s own and with the

Help of the rain starting to deplete the

Cloud

We are both falling apart

Not able to stand or

Float

On our own

We are gone

Our days are over

Until we renew

 

I am not over

I have a big life ahead of me

The burning mass of water

Will not be gone

There is too much to do

That includes sunshines

And swimming pools

Whose only similarity

Is that they are both joyful

Happy

Places to

belong

Goodbye (Him)

Sometimes life is no more than pain

She reaches for what is not there

Her fingers clasp the chain

Around her neck

But all she gets is air

 

Reaches for the horizon

But its always ten feet away

Maybe if she grabs on

This time

She’ll be okay

 

He left her with more scars to heal

More bruises on her eyes

She can’t see what she doesn’t feel

All she feels

Is twisted insides

 

A mirror shows the skeleton

She has been for years

Remembers back when she was young

Less gray hair

Less blood red tears

 

All these years wasted

Loves lost; hate gained

Too many bitter flavors tasted

Left her breath caught in lungs

Her eyes always strained

 

She remembers his touch

The way his fingers stroked her cheek

She takes it in; it’s too much

He left her begging for strength

But now her bones are weak

 

Maybe someday she’ll see him

Be reunited, by his side

But it won’t be until the end

When she lets go

And says goodbye

Words

I love this poem. The first stanza came from when I was bored. I thought of the lines, but couldn’t figure where to place it. These words came to me all of a sudden, and, unlike in the poem, flowed out of me. Here is “Words”.


Rain falling

Spilling

Like the ink of a pen

That needs refilling

 

Covers everything

That needs to be said

But the words have run dry

The conversation is dead

 

The elephant

Fills the entire room

Doesn’t leave enough air

Only impending doom

 

Strangles those wanting

To let words out

But the big, hulking spider

Went up the waterspout

 

Nothing with meaning

is left for anyone to say

te hot air coming in

And the debt no one wants to pay

 

Hatred coats tongues

Along with fire and despair

The debate seems to have ended

Has no hope of going anywhere

 

Let the people talk

Let the words flow

If you start with one sound

You might reap what you sow