Colors of the Sky

I might fall down

Just might get hurt

But I will not

Let this fire burn

Me to a crisp

Have nothing left

Than rotten bones

That broke while I slept

I reach up

To grab something new

All I can grasp

Is what make the sky blue

I turn the sky black

Covered with depression

And ash

No more sunsets

Nothing to view

It matches my weary eyes

Exactly to the hue

 

I will not surrender

I’ll ke the sun rise

I  will not back down

Until I’m ruler of the sky

My eyes will gain color

My life will grow strong

My bones will be built

I’ll learn right from wrong

My burns will be covered

With a new patch of skin

I will not let this happen

Ever again

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A New Heart

It tangles up my mind

A shadow overcomes

I can’t see

I can’t hear

I can’t think

Everywhere I look

Is another obstacle

For me to climb over

Instead I get stuck underneath

Can’t climb up to staggered edge

That pierces my hands

Blood stains the rock

Leaving behind my dignity

I try to make it up

But I get caught in the fog

My brain feels like

It is somewhere in between

Heaven and hell

I guess it’s the Earth

And I never belonged

So I don’t know what the

Atmosphere is like

I’ll get used to it

With deep breaths

And a new heart

Ready to join

Where I am supposed to be

Horizon

She wonders where her life has gone

It’s been 10 years and she can’t find a way

To jump over the candlestick

All it’s done is urn her heels

Keeping her from moving on

She can’t tie her shoelaces

They keep tripping her as

She falls down

Into the puddle, like always

The mud clogs her eyes

And fills her mouth

So she can’t see

She can’t speak

She’s stuck in the same spot that she’s always been

Too afraid to move forward

But determined to not move back

She gives it to her fears

They whisper to her

Trying to tie her down

 

She finds a knife

For the first time she doesn’t

Use it on herself

No

This time she cuts the rope

Ready to stand up

And walk down the path

Holding the candle to find her way

Tying her shoelaces

As the burns have healed

The mud has turned to crystal clear

Water that shows

Her reflection

The first time she’s ever looked down

And believed that she could do it

 

She takes a step

Then another

Until she reaches the horizon

One

As survivors, we are one

A team that gets what has been done

There are some things we want to forget

We might not be over them quite yet

 

Who cares if we’re unique

We all have goals and strengths

Different means we struggle some

We also know how to help someone

 

Difficulties by a truckload

As we start to overload

Do things to help ourselves

Yet also reach for someone else

 

Miles and miles away from our teams

We are still here when we’re in need

If we need smiles, look in the glass

We all need help, just need to ask

 

Here for one, here for all

We’re here for victories and also falls

Raise us up, set us down slow

Not ‘till we’re ready to go go and go

 

Hope flows through and confirms

We are brave and weather the storms

When one’s down, we help them stand

Then when we fall, they help us plan

 

Truth is told and so is pain

Our lives might be hard to explain

Our minds might be twisted, but we are not done

We keep going ‘til we’re all number one

 

Nothing More- Alternate Roots

Even Weeds Can Shine

We are the dandelions

Start out as small white seeds

Picked and blown far with a wish

We land and try to fill their needs

 

We start to grow and children pick

Adults look and send them inside

Cut us down before we’re grown

So we don’t get to enjoy our lives

 

We are the buttercups

Show yellow on your neck

You laugh and throw us to the side

Like we don’t deserve another breath

People say we are a joke

They don’t like butter if yellow hides

Those who do like butter smile

When we are dropped we start to die

 

We might seem like weeds

With the way people push us away

Our roots don’t belong to anyone

Until they call our names

 

Children love to pretend

We are their premier bouquets

Their flower shop sells for a dime

A part of their imaginary games

Our young lives are just like theirs

Shown beautiful as youth

Then we grow and show our strength

We are ripped from our roots

 

We might not be diamond shiny

But tin foil light’s enough

We all have long and twisted veins

Pumping life and endless love

 

People might try to crush us

But when one of us is gone

We grow back stronger than before

And repopulate your lawn

 

We are going to make it big

No matter how pulled apart

All we need is each other’s love

To help our new lives start

Porcelain and Paper

The Bully:

 

Fingers aching

To be stuck down

To let it out

To be free from self-hatred

For at least a minute

 

After a minute

The hate is worse

The fear is back

The look on my face

Bright red

 

No matter how small

Or large

Calorie content

Means nothing

When you hate yourself

 

Each bite makes you feel

Like a failure

Each chew shows how

Disgusting you are

How you can’t control yourself

 

It’s supposed to make

Me the me I want

When reality tells you

Nothing is changing

Except for your brain

 

Filled with thoughts

Of stopping

But not ready

Will you ever

Feel satisfied?

 

Happy with your

Body you despise

I don’t think so

How can I be happy

With myself in any way?

 

It  turns to my best friend

Porcelain becomes my favorite

Way to dispel my negative thoughts

Let them go for a while

Then back to fine

 

Ana

 

I go for months

Feeling fine

Then onto nothing

In my system

In my stomach

 

Empty is power

So why do I feel powerless?

Counting the calories makes you strong

Then why has my strength depleted?

Why have I gone from happy to depressed?

 

I thought I’d be delighted

When I stepped on the scale

All it does is make me weaker

Make me feel like I am wrong

The pounds are dropping

 

The weight is on my shoulders

Inside of me, taunting me to

Disappear, turn into paper

So I can finally feel love for myself

 

Recovery comes and recovery goes

Something I am working on

So hard to let yourself feel okay

Instead of being the prime example

Of a sob story

 

I want to feel better

I want to get well

Something’s stopping that

And five years of cycling

Makes it tough to come to a stop

 

I am going to feel better

I am going to get well

I’ll have to find strength

Need to gain some power

So I can change

 

Ana and Bully, I

Will not succumb to you

I will fight my way onto

The path of healing

I am a fighter

 

Mountain of a Man

Hello again, beautiful blog! I have not written in a long time. This is partly because of being busy, but mostly because I have had a bit of writer’s block lately. I finally had a poem come out of me today. This came to when I listened to my new anthem. It is called “Why Worry” by Set It Off. The song is about feeling anxious and having someone help you. It is beautiful and makes me feel like somebody understands. Set It Off has become one of my new favorite bands. The line that got the creative juices flowing is Sick of hearing this hakuna matata motto/ from people who won the lotto. That sticks to me. People who have it good often do not think about having worries. Even those with a good life can be anxious. Most people who have anxieties have trouble relaxing, me included, and this song serves as a reminder. I listen to it when I need some reason to calm down. IT is a happy song. A video of the song is at the bottom of the poem. Anyway, here is “Mountain of a Man”.


He is more than a mountain

Better than the sea

Everybody wishes “Why can’t he be me?”

 

Breaks every mask

You hide behind

Drinks life from a flask

Filled with hope and sunshine

Flies so high up

The wind is under his feet

Nails aren’t as tough

Nothing has him beat

 

He is more than a fire

Shines brighter than the glare

That bounces off the mirror that loves when he’s there

 

Superhuman doesn’t describe

Hero is too small

A book was written on his life

When he was 2 inches tall

Before he was born

The whole world knew his name

Those who know him have sworn

Their lives haven’t been the same

 

He is more than an airplane

But he takes you to new heights

His bark is the same strength as his bite

 

But those who see him don’t

Realize that his smile is fake

His eyes are not made of gold

They are more of a grey

His strength is skin deep

Expectations are too high

This man he came to be

No longer wants to fly

 

He may be more than a dancer

But his grace comes with a price

Being loved burns a flame, but loving yourself

Gives the light