A New Heart

It tangles up my mind

A shadow overcomes

I can’t see

I can’t hear

I can’t think

Everywhere I look

Is another obstacle

For me to climb over

Instead I get stuck underneath

Can’t climb up to staggered edge

That pierces my hands

Blood stains the rock

Leaving behind my dignity

I try to make it up

But I get caught in the fog

My brain feels like

It is somewhere in between

Heaven and hell

I guess it’s the Earth

And I never belonged

So I don’t know what the

Atmosphere is like

I’ll get used to it

With deep breaths

And a new heart

Ready to join

Where I am supposed to be

Mountain of a Man

Hello again, beautiful blog! I have not written in a long time. This is partly because of being busy, but mostly because I have had a bit of writer’s block lately. I finally had a poem come out of me today. This came to when I listened to my new anthem. It is called “Why Worry” by Set It Off. The song is about feeling anxious and having someone help you. It is beautiful and makes me feel like somebody understands. Set It Off has become one of my new favorite bands. The line that got the creative juices flowing is Sick of hearing this hakuna matata motto/ from people who won the lotto. That sticks to me. People who have it good often do not think about having worries. Even those with a good life can be anxious. Most people who have anxieties have trouble relaxing, me included, and this song serves as a reminder. I listen to it when I need some reason to calm down. IT is a happy song. A video of the song is at the bottom of the poem. Anyway, here is “Mountain of a Man”.


He is more than a mountain

Better than the sea

Everybody wishes “Why can’t he be me?”

 

Breaks every mask

You hide behind

Drinks life from a flask

Filled with hope and sunshine

Flies so high up

The wind is under his feet

Nails aren’t as tough

Nothing has him beat

 

He is more than a fire

Shines brighter than the glare

That bounces off the mirror that loves when he’s there

 

Superhuman doesn’t describe

Hero is too small

A book was written on his life

When he was 2 inches tall

Before he was born

The whole world knew his name

Those who know him have sworn

Their lives haven’t been the same

 

He is more than an airplane

But he takes you to new heights

His bark is the same strength as his bite

 

But those who see him don’t

Realize that his smile is fake

His eyes are not made of gold

They are more of a grey

His strength is skin deep

Expectations are too high

This man he came to be

No longer wants to fly

 

He may be more than a dancer

But his grace comes with a price

Being loved burns a flame, but loving yourself

Gives the light

Relapse

I have been so so so busy lately. Posts have not been up as often as I would like and I am sorry for that. Today’s poem is not a sad one, as the title suggests. It is about how I need to keep going to not fall there, how I will not relapse just because it is “okay” and “everyone does it”. I will never fall back there again, no matter how bad it gets. It a great thing to say, and a very hard thing to remember in hard moments. I made a promise to my parents – and more importantly, myself- that I would never fall down to my darkest place again. I’ve gotten close, but I will NEVER go there. Here is Relapse.


 

They say relapse is inevitable

You will fall and you will fail

Take two steps forward, one step back

You’ll get back up and stay on track

 

I don’t want for that to happen

Need to stay in the right direction

Push me harder, I will go

It will be hard, yes I know

I can start myself, but a nudge is nice

It is always hard to know wrong from right

I will learn from my past mistakes

Do whatever it will take

To take the right road

And go where I need to go

 

They say recovery is possible

I don’t think that is always true

The pain is always there

There is room to improve

Help will always be there

Support will take you anywhere

Push me harder, I will go

It will be hard, yes I know

I can start myself, but a nudge is nice

It is always hard to know wrong from right

I will learn from my past mistakes

Do whatever it will take

To take the right road

And go where I need to go

Yes, life is hard

It will be tough

The toughest thing I’ve ever done

My branches are strong

I’ll be a tree

Be strong for eternity

I’m free


Push me harder, I will go

It will be hard, yes I know

I can start myself, but a nudge is nice

It is always hard to know wrong from right

I will learn from my past mistakes

Do whatever it will take

To take the right road

And go where I need to go

 

I’ll go to the end of the world

Then pass that mark and go some more

Catalyst

It’s time to get rid of all the toxins in my life. Letting go of others is hard enough, but becoming the bigger person is even more difficult. This song is about trying to help someone who has broken you down . I have struggled with people who were not healthy to have in my life. They need all the help they can get, and sometimes that will not be enough. These people make themselves stronger by breaking you down. A catalyst is a substance that makes others stronger while not changing itself’. While I did change from these relationships, I still believe that I was a catalyst. I made others stronger, but was going nowhere myself. I didn’t get any better because of them, but I didn’t become any worse of a person. I was a catalyst, but it is time to become the one getting stronger. Here is “Catalyst”.


Take it

Take this life away

Take everything you gave me

Throw it down the drain

You caused me so much pain

More than anyone can handle

My candles are blown out

Because of you

 

I’m much worse

You have never been better

Everything has turned to dirt

I gave you the shirt off my back

While you made me fall off the tracks

So run away, I insist

You were my wrecking ball

I was your catalyst

 

Make it

Make all of this disappear

I don’t want you here

I don’t want to see your face

It just reminds me

Of every single day

That you tore me down

I built you up

I won’t let you corrupt me any more

This thing I have become

 

I’m much worse

You have never been better

Everything has turned to dirt

I gave you the shirt off my back

While you made me fall off the tracks

So run away, I insist

You were my wrecking ball

I was your catalyst

 

If I see you around this city

I will only take pity

You took my brain and marked it yours

Took residence for years

Think about all of the tears

That have been shed

I will not take this any more

 

You’re much worse

I have never been better

Everything has burned to the ground

But I’m ready to turn things around

Tried to break me, I won’t bend

So try to change, I insist

You were my wrecking ball

I won’t be your catalyst

Eradicate

My second post of the day is a poem I wrote yesterday. I was having a very difficult day, and could barely make it through school. Writing is one of my biggest escapes, along with music. This poem talks about hoe I wish things could be easier. It was difficult to write, so it might be a little difficult to read. It is sad but it tells how I was feeling at that time. I am proud to say that I am feeling much better today. Here is Eradicate.

I feel like I am falling

I want to scream

I want to throw it all away

Live among the stars

I say there would be no worries there

But is that true?

There are things to be frightened of everywhere

In the forest, there are creatures

On your feet, ready to drag you away

I guess thoughts are like that also

They are ready, on the watch

To throw you under

No matter if you want to stay above

They take you down, down, d

                                              o

                                                w

                                                  n

With threats of erasing you from the world

Be it by body, mind, or soul

They will pin you down

Take away everything that makes you feel alive

You won’t be alive if you listen

Don’t listen, I tell myself

It is so hard

Nobody understands how hard it is

To be alive when your body is telling you to do otherwise

But I can survive

I will not succomb to this voice in my head

I

Will

Not