The Beast That Is Suicide

Welcome to World Suicide Prevention Day. Today is a day to celebrate life and honor those who have left us. We stand together to fight this awful creature we call suicide.

To fight this this creature, we need to do so much more than put it in a cage. Locking up suicide and ignoring it can only make things worse. No, we need to unlock the beast and beat it to dust. We need to be asking “How are you?” and not accepting a simple “Okay”. We need to straight out ask, “Are you suicidal?’. Hiding behind the mask we often have on our faces and minds do not help.

Bringing up suicide does not cause a person to think of it. In fact, it can help people know they are cared for and people are here for them. Discussing the aftermath can be helpful as well. a person might not want to leave behind their mother, their dog, or their basketball team. We need to remind them that they are loved.

Love is a big word for some people. Some use it only for close relationships. I say we use it more openly. “I love you for who you are”, “You are loved by everybody who meets you”, or even a simple “I love how your blue eyes shine in the sunlight.”. There are multiple ways to let someone know they are deeply cared for by others.

How do we spread that love? We can do it by looking after each other. If you sense that someone might be struggling, reach out to them. Notice the signs. Are they talking about death? Giving things away? Depressed and isolated from others? Watch out for these signs among others.

For those who have died by suicide and those left behind by someone who has, we honor and remember you and your loved ones. The world is a tough place, and for some it is too hard to handle. This does not mean the person who left us was a coward. They just didn’t find another way out of their pain. This is why we need to talk to each other, so we can find a solution for the pain.

As someone who has dealt with suicidal thoughts, I know listening to others who are trying to help is not always easy. That is why we need to reach out to one another.

I, in now way, can fully understand what a person who has died by suicide felt like when they hit the edge and decided to fall off. Maybe decided isn’t the right word. Maybe it’s more like the person was pushed over the edge.

I also, in no way, understand what it feels like to be left behind. You all are strong. You all can be more than survivors. You can be thrivers. Tell the world your loved one’s story once you are ready. If you are never ready, that is okay. Grief sits differently on the soldiers of every person. The person who left had strong weight on their shoulders, and it gets left behind on their loved ones.

Let’s recap: Love, Honor, Listen, Strong

That is not nearly enough to describe what today means, but as I am only one human being, I can’t do it all. We all need to join together and work to end the beast called suicide.

Hospitals: The Light Will Come

Crisis happens. When you are dealing with a mental illness, crisis is going to come. Whether is be severe depression, mania, suicidal plans, self harm, or whatever you are going through, it is extremely difficult.

 

I have gone through many crises. The way I have dealt with it is several hospitalizations. Hospitals seem like a scary thing, but if you are going to die or do something dangerous if you don’t go, it is the best option. Do not be afraid of hospitals. I have met the nicest nurses, doctors, and people in them. You learn a lot of helpful things, most of the time. Okay, so there are some bad times in the hospital. I have had bad therapists or been put on wrong medicines. The thing is, most of the time, the hospital truly wants to help you. It is there to help stabilize you and then let you go.

 

I’ve been talking about acute, or short term, hospitals. There are also residential, which are much longer term. I stayed in one for nine months. It was the hardest time of my life, but it was also the time I worked the hardest. We learned new skills, had a structure (I like a structure), and got better. We didn’t get completely better, but we got well enough to function in the world.

 

If you are in a crisis:

 

First, try to calm yourself down. I know, much easier said than done. Do whatever safe thing you can, color, sing, dance, write, do whatever makes you happy. Try to be around people who make you feel comfortable

 

If that is not working, contact a mental health office or call a hotline. Hopefully by the time this blog is up I will have a resources page for you all.

 

Call 911 if you are in immediate danger. Listen to me say this. This is very important. We want you to be safe and be able to get better. You can’t do that if you are not here.

 

You might be transferred to a hospital if it is found necessary for your safety. This WILL help. I promise you. You might be a little skeptical at first, but look around, talk to people, and learn new skills. Hospitals are scary, but you can make it be the light you might need.

Free

Two years two months ago

Nobody believed I would make it

I didn’t either

Sitting on the opposite sides of the doors

That were supposed to be helping me

In a room with others who were there for three days, a week

I had been there five months

I spent my days strapped on a bed

Needles jabbed in me to calm me

So my head wouldn’t bleed

So my arms wouldn’t bleed

So I wouldn’t scream, bang, and fight

So I wouldn’t run

So I wouldn’t die

I thought I was over

They thought I was done

Then

I decided to change

Maybe life could be more than being locked up

I could amount to something more than a headcase

I wasn’t as crazy as they thought and

I

Could

Change

I could change

I could become a new person

With hopes, with dreams

Even fears, but I could control them

I could stand up for myself

Not bang my head against the wall

I could put my head into something useful

I was something

I am something

I will always be something

 

Two years two months ago

My life changed

I proved them wrong

I proved myself wrong

I have changed for the better this time

I am free

Resilient

Okay, I know I already posted today . It was a pretty big post about music, and it would rock if you all would read/listen to it. I have one more poem I want to put up to close out National Suicide Prevention Week. “Resilient” is a poem I wrote when I was in a very dark place. It started out as “Swordfish” but it didn’t make sense, so with a few revisions today, I present an improved poem. I am surprised I was able to write this at that point in my life, but I am proud to say that I did and I am where I am today. That was one of the first poems I had written in a while at that point, but I wrote a few more after it. I found my notebook, so I will share the other one I liked later on. I hope you enjoy “Resilient”.

Living life like this

Isn’t living

People say you’re giving up

But I can’t find anything worth giving

 

Love isn’t enough

For me now

But love is what I’m getting

And I’m okay with that somehow

 

I need to love myself

Not just accept from others

I need to pull myself out

From being smothered by the covers

 

I must get out of this bed

The bed that is my life

And realize that I need

Much more than just the knife

 

I haven’t fallen there

Not quite yet

But soon if I don’t get up

I’m sure to lose this bet

 

Once again I go there

To the bet with myself

The one where I push these feelings

To the back of the shelf

 

I need to find a balance

Where I can feel, but be fine

No worrying if I can stay safe

But now I am stuck on the line

 

A line that is so thin

I’ve almost crossed it

But I will go back on the bright side

Bit by bit by bit

 

No, I haven’t dived yet

Into the ocean

The place where my pain

Shows up on my skin

 

I will come back up

Break my head up the surface

I will be strong and brave

I will be resilient

Songs To Get You Through Hard Times

As National Suicide Prevention Week comes to a close, I’d like to share something a little more fun. Music can make anything better, at least for me. When I am going through a particularly difficult time, I will put my headphones in, or if that is not available, recite lyrics in my head over and over. These songs are some of the ones that go through my mind at these times. They are not listed in any particular order. Every single one of them has meaning to me. I’d love to find out some of your favorite songs, so share if you wish. Thanks.

1. You’re Not Alone- Of Mice & Men

This song is exactly what I have been saying this whole week. It talks about feeling as if you are nothing, but explains that you are someone important and you are loved.

2. Never Too Late- Three Days Grace

Three Days Grace is a huge inspiration to me. Ex-lead singer Adam Gontier went through struggles with drug use and does not hold back in his lyrics. This song is perfect for when you are in your darkest of times. It is never too late to change.

3. Free Now- Sleeping With Sirens

A song that is beautiful and talks about getting over obstacles? Count me in. This song hits me deeply. You can be free from your demons. The thing about this song is that it doesn’t only talk about personal struggles, but also about how to fix problems in the world. I absolutely love it.

4. Never Lose Your Flames- Issues

This song is fun, but has a good message. The song is angry and talks about being bullied and under pressure. It is bouncy and can turn your mood up, even though it isn’t the happiest of lyrics. I like that it talks about how you should “make peace with your pain”

5. Hold On ‘Till May- Pierce The Veil

I have explained my love for this song before, so I am not going to say much. This video is my favorite version of it, because it is acoustic. Acoustic music is always better to me. Lindsey Stamey of Oh No Fiasco usually sings the female part, but in this version Jenna McDougall of Tonight Alive sings it.

6. Keep Holding On- Falling In Reverse

I’ll admit. I am a big Falling In Reverse fan, but most of their songs are not very positive. This one is different. It talks about how he didn’t think he would make it, but he did. Truly inspirational.

And one more…

7. Feel- Sleeping With Sirens

I had to add another Sleeping With Sirens song. They are full of hopeful lyrics. In this song, lead singer Kellin Quinn sings, “I feel so alive again” are the words of every survivor of anything. It feels great to feel alive, and even f you aren’t there yet, you can relate. It describes a person who is not happy with themselves, but wants to get better. What a great song.

I hope you found some happiness in these songs like I did.

 

Burden

It is the weekend, a time that is difficult for many. I know it used to be difficult for me, as there was no structured time and not much to do. There are many temptations. It is hard to stay away from them, but it is necessary that you stay away from them. Stay strong and hold on until Monday. You’ll make it.

Today’s poem for the sixth day of National Suicide Prevention Week is about a feeling I have dealt with many times. Feeling as if you are bringing somebody else down is terrible. You don’t let others know how you are because you don’t want to hurt them. This poem explains that if you put yourself out there, no matter how horrible you feel, things can get better. The girl in this poem is reminiscent of myself when I was in a very dark place. I realized that others are there for me, even if you feel like the world is against you. You are NOT a burden. You are going through a rough spot, and that might be hard for others to deal with, but you are a source of joy for the person trying to help you. They will want you to reach out to them.

Take care of yourself and enjoy this poem. Here is “Burden”

 

You feel you are heavy

On someone else’s shoulder

You feel you are under

A boulder of hate

It’s too much to bear

You are going under

The rain has begun

But the thunder is late

 

The lightning it hits you

You fall to your knees

Say “I can’t take this

Please, help me I swear

I’ll make myself better

I won’t try to be right

Just save me from myself

Tonight, take me there

To a place I am wanted

A place there is love

A place where I am

enough and liked

I am a burden

I weigh people down

So please get me out

Of this town, out of this life”

 

Someone will take you out

But they will help you first

Get you somewhere safe

You won’t get hurt, you’ll be fine

There will be open arms

And many kind words

The journey is hard

But you deserve to cross the line

 

Just ask for support

I promise they will

If they have helped before

They still will be there

If no one has stepped up

To lead you before

Call someone, they will help you

I’m sure the will care

Celebration

Wednesday was World Suicide Prevention Day. Social media was abuzz with posts talking about the cause. Now, we need to remember that even when it is not a day dedicated to prevention, we need to look into the future and put out the word about ending suicide every day. As To Write Love On Her Arms is putting it this year, No One Else Can Play Your Part. That is the complete truth. You are you. I am me. That is the way it is supposed to be. If it was any other way, the world would be much worse off. There are still 2 more days for this important week, but as this poem states, we need to go past one week of the year. Everyday is a Suicide Prevention Day if we make it. Tell others and spread the word. Today’s poem is titled “Celebration”

It may be the end

But it has only begun

Let others know

You’re the one who has won

 

The battle of battles

The fight of all fights

You beat your defeater

And won a new life

 

The day has gone past

But we haven’t forgotten

We need to help others

And promote prevention

 

Encourage those struggling

Celebrate those who survived

Honor those who left us

Try to heal those who were left behind

 

We can’t stand it any more

Need to end suicide

Help those who fell there

No more “do or die”

 

The one day is over

But look! You are not

You survived another minute

That is more than you thought

 

We can spread awareness

If you do remember

It is every second, every day

Not just in September