When I have to be on a team that expects me to want to win, try again. I’m not the person you want. We played a lot of games with balls and running, probably my least two favorite things about sports. I guess that is why I don’t play any. They also had a climbing wall, which I never did because of a fear of falling off and insecurity that people were going to watch me.
Part of RT was getting to go to the pool every week, I can’t swim, but being in the water and playing beach ball volleyball over a net (beach balls are an exception to my fear), and use kickboards and noodles. It was very fun, and I;n
Christmas was a special day at the hospital. We got to help plan a Christmas Show, where we sang, made up dance, and I got to read a poem I had written about Christmas. We performed it, and my grandparents came down to watch it. We also got special Christmas pajamas on Christmas Eve, based on our likes. I got Hello Kitty pajamas. We also had written down a list of things we wanted for presents. They then put it on tree for people to pick up and give a few gifts to people. I got all Hello Kitty stuff, which I love and still have.
We had school every day. I have another blog about this, which will explain what the schooling is like as an inpatient.
We also had group a few days a week, When a new person came, they would be in a typical group, with music, birthday cakes, and therapeutic talk. The music came from people choosing their most meaningful song. I believe I chose Blood For Poppies by Garbage because it talks about missing home and your dog, which I could definitely agree with.
We also had DBT. We learned a lot of skills to regulate our emotions, self soothe, and how to let things pass. My therapist and another chooses from the girls based on behavior. No boys were allowed in the meetings.
Every day was not a good day. For me, I had a “honeymoon effect” where I was great for a while. Then things started to break down. I stopped eating, was psychotic, started cutting with anything sharp I could find, mostly paperclips. I also banged my head against the wall. I got restrained several times and sent to the quiet room with the door locked so I couldn’t get out. I was forced to wear gowns instead of clothes and had to sleep on a mattress right by the staff so they could watch me. I was on 1:1, which meant no privacy. Right outside of the bathroom and when I ate. I couldn’t even leave the unit because of my symptoms. It was eventually decided that I was too sick to be on residential, That next day, I got moved to acute, where they could keep a closer eye on me. I stayed there five days, several that spent some time in the quiet room and strapped to the bed. On the acute side, they gave shots to calm you down, which I also was poked with a lot.
Eventually I was moved back to the residential side.I decided that I wanted to get better so I could leave and live a healthy life. When I was settled on the residential, I started my path to recovery.
Blood For Poppies- Garbage