Broken Heart Restored

When we struggle            

We lose our fight

Things happen inside

Make us blow out our light

 

Illness after Illness

We can never pronounce

Cannot describe

We can never let it out

 

We push our feelings down

Try to stuff them in our head

A map might have a path

To where thoughts go to forget

 

Our hearts have been shattered

Maybe once or twice before

When it hits too deep

Their broken heart is no more

 

When your heart is shattered

Someone will sew where it tore

It won’t hit too deep this time

Your broken heart will be restored

 

Our feelings come up

Let them relieve their hoard

No map lead them

Your own brain has the sword

 

We learn our illnesses by name

Learned to leave nothing unsaid

Dosage, names, and times

Pills now part of your daily spread

 

Yes, we struggle

Let us join the fight

An inferno of matches

Won’t beat your natural light

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Charcoal

Note: This is not how I am feeling right now at all. I just had an idea and went with it. Do not worry for me, I am better than ever!

These nightmares fill my brain

Swirl around make me insane

Kills me with each REM

These alpha waves are not my friend

Each creature that disturbs my sleep

Is supposed to die with the clock’s beep

But it stays with me throughout the day

I can’t make these dreams go away

 

I live to love, but I don’t love to live

Want to share my hope, but there’s none to give

Every waking hour fills me with dread

To be alive is to have an empty head

To have an empty head is to have an empty heart

A heart doesn’t beat when it won’t even start

Keep me in your thoughts while I turn to dust

I’ll stay on the ground until my screws start to rust

 

And I hate the mirror staring back at me

A reflection of everything I don’t want to be

I try to grin to wipe away the hate

But with every blink, my face changes shape

One minute I’m a thief stealing conversation

I don’t deserve my own conservation

People talk but I drown them out

With my own thoughts of hate and self doubt

 

So I’ll try to sleep, but the monsters will come

The other shape I take is that of no one

Rub the charcoal to blur out my eyes

So I can’t see my whole life flashing by

Everyone is a rainbow but I am just gray

A pencil outlines each word that I say

A drawing and nothing more that has come to life

All I can hope is this is just “good night”

Goodbye (Him)

Sometimes life is no more than pain

She reaches for what is not there

Her fingers clasp the chain

Around her neck

But all she gets is air

 

Reaches for the horizon

But its always ten feet away

Maybe if she grabs on

This time

She’ll be okay

 

He left her with more scars to heal

More bruises on her eyes

She can’t see what she doesn’t feel

All she feels

Is twisted insides

 

A mirror shows the skeleton

She has been for years

Remembers back when she was young

Less gray hair

Less blood red tears

 

All these years wasted

Loves lost; hate gained

Too many bitter flavors tasted

Left her breath caught in lungs

Her eyes always strained

 

She remembers his touch

The way his fingers stroked her cheek

She takes it in; it’s too much

He left her begging for strength

But now her bones are weak

 

Maybe someday she’ll see him

Be reunited, by his side

But it won’t be until the end

When she lets go

And says goodbye

Naked

The war between you and your mind

Becomes a war between you and the world

Water pours, but so does blood

Gunshots hurt, but so do words

Telling yourself that you are something

Doesn’t work

Because they tell you that you are trash

Sure, someone’s trash is someone else’s treasure

But there is nobody in the world

That can make you feel that yourself

You trip, you fall

Broken legs mean nothing

When you have a broken mind

A broken heart

A broken life

Everything hurts when your brain

Wants you dead

Pain comes out as tears

Tears come out as bloodshot eyes

Bloodshot eyes become your signature look

No matter how many layers of clothing you have on

You are naked

Exposed to the wind filled with

Debris mixed with hatred

Leaves with veins that let out

Indifference

Nobody cares when the air

Blows your hair

And you can’t seem to let go

Of everything holding you down

It keeps you in place

When you want the wind to

push you forward

But you are stuck

You were wrong

It could get worse

Partners In Crime

I have another installment in the Carter Rose series that I put out a while ago. This one comes after the break up and Carter trying to fix things. Carter is a character that I really like, and I can’t wait to do more with her. I write some of my best work from other people’s points of view. It would be interesting to have an album full of Carter songs, but I need to get music for them first. I am going to work on that.


You’re standing on the corner

You look me in the eyes

I want to stare back, but I can’t

So I just walk on by

 

It hurts to know you miss me

Why can’t I just admit

I more than miss you too

Not what you put me through

 

Looking back, I think about

Everything you said

When you left that Friday night

Raining hard, but you went outside

I want to believe we can fix this

But you don’t seem to care

I know that disregard just hides

The love you want on the inside

So come back, You’re just in time

We can once again be partners in crime

 

I decide you call you

Hope your number hasn’t changed

It’s been ten months, hope you pick up

But the telephone just rang

 

Please don’t forget what I gave

And everything you shared

We fit like a dress, custom made

But the seams are beyond repair

 

I try to sew them up

But you pull out every stitch

When you’re around the thread is loose

I think we should start over soon

But you don’t want to

I shouldn’t want to

Looking back, I think about

Everything you said

When you left that Friday night

Raining hard, but you went outside

I want to believe we can fix this

But you don’t seem to care

I know that disregard just hides

The love you want on the inside

So come back, You’re just in time

We can once again be partners in crime

You said goodbye, that should be it

I’m sorry I’m not done quite yet

I’ll let go and let you be

It’s time I learn how to be me

Boom

The next part of my Carter Rose series is about the crumbling of her relationship. It is over now, and she is left to deal with it. I enjoy writing as another character because it serves as an escape from real life. Taking the role of someone else is a nice change. I understand why authors do what they do. This song is different than most of the songs I write because f the rhyme scheme. I’m not really sure what you would call it, and I don’t think I care. It has been interesting writing in different styles. Today’s post is entitled “Boom”

Your brother came up to me

Said you thought I was pretty

I never looked at it that way

But because of you, that changed

My point of view became clearer

I saw through that marbled cloud

Threatening me to fall on everything

And ruin life where I knew us as “we”

Then the cloud smothered me

 

You walked away

when the sky began to change

It was raining, it was a Wednesday

Middle of the week, middle of my heart

Broke it apart

Told me maybe things aren’t perfect

And you don’t think it is worth it

Sticking together, well this tape is not adhesive

Picture ripped, just like my life did

I don’t care

There one minute, then its not

Like a ghost when you walk in the room

Like a comic book, this whole thing went “Boom”

 

I thought you would come into my house

And this whole thing could be worked out

But I messed it up when I threw the plate

You looked at me, but it wasn’t the same

Everything is different

I am alone like a broken toy

While you’ve already been on three dates

I can’t make it another day

But you moved on and made it look easy

You walked away

when the sky began to change

It was raining, it was a Wednesday

Middle of the week, middle of my heart

Broke it apart

Told me maybe things aren’t perfect

And you don’t think it is worth it

Sticking together, well this tape is not adhesive

Picture ripped, just like my life did

I don’t care

There one minute, then it’s not

Like a ghost when you walk in the room

Like a comic book, this whole thing went “Boom”

 

I was sitting in a taxi

Talking to the person driving

Told them what I was going through

They said they knew you

Told me about how you were doing

Said things were not fine

You missed me, but it wasn’t

Enough to get you coming back

to me

 

You walked away

when the sky began to change

It was raining, it was a Wednesday

Middle of the week, middle of my heart

Broke it apart

Told me maybe things aren’t perfect

And you don’t think it is worth it

Sticking together, well this tape is not adhesive

Picture ripped, just like my life did

I don’t care

There one minute, then its not

Like a ghost when you walk in the room

Like a comic book, this whole thing went “Boom”

Nowadays

Today was a busy day. I had my first band competition, so I haven’t been home all day. I hope this poem is not posted too late in the day for you all to see it. Today’s lyrics are the second in a series I am writing about Carter Rose, a character I have created. She is finding out that her relationship is not all it used to be. I like this one a lot. Here is “Nowadays”.

Knowing that I need hope

And having it are two different things

This is not working out

I need you to see things differently

 

We were perfect

Then we fell off the edge

Everything was beautiful

But the fights became a wedge

 

Nowadays, you are on my mind

I know we can’t see each other

Need to live in different colors

But right now you think we’re fine

I don’t have the heart to tell you

There is nothing else I can do

Let me draw outside the lines

 

I see you

Standing on the street

Who are you waiting for?

And why is it not me?

 

I can give you what you need

If you let me, if you show me

 

But you won’t so I give up

Can’t stand this when it’s tough

It was easy being with you

But now I know I’m just being used


Nowadays, you are on my mind

I know we can’t see each other

Live our lives in different colors

But right now you think we’re fine

I don’t have the heart to tell you

There’s nothing else I can do

Let me draw outside the lines

 

Tell me why you don’t want me

When before you said that was all you wanted

You went from real to being haunted

 

Nowadays, you are on my mind

I know we can’t see each other

Live our lives in different colors

But right now you think we’re fine

I don’t have the heart to tell you

There’s nothing else I can do

Let me draw outside the lines

 

Let me draw a picture not by your side

So I can see things in a different light