Again and Again

Her was the half, muffled by silence

The one who attached herself to self violence

Made sure all went wrong

And what went well fell

Inside of my heart she dug a hole

Ready to devour my hopes and goals

Ready to suck out my very own soul

As I sat there with my mouth taped shut

 

Me was the side that hid behind

The part of me that was not mine

I signed my life away in blood

My one life turned to out of the blue

It has only just begun and she’s winning

While my spinning head makes screwed up decisions

I fight my life away until my fight cannot

Hold on any longer

 

Empty my pockets

Pull out the seams

Show me as I really am

A naked dressed up freak

I’m pulling out the thread

Of this situation so I don’t

Have to pull myself out

Of that grave

Again and again

 

She is the person I was before

When I didn’t know I was behind locked doors

She jumped off a silver cliff

Thought the gold road

Above would catch her paper thin

Personality and her ripped off skin

Begging for a chance to play pretend

She left and left me with real life now

 

This combination of us leads to misery

Her, Me, and She are a convoluted team

We struggle to show we are just one

Our painted faces need a new coat

Ready for people to finger paint with ashes

Give us 40 lashes if we start to lose our passion

Passion for change that won’t occur

So the whip will kiss our backs

 

Empty my pockets

Pull out the seams

Show me as I really am

A naked dressed up freak

I’m pulling out the thread

Of this situation so I don’t

Have to pull myself out

Of that grave

Again and again

 

We fight in one skull, that has been confined

Our bodies and our souls cannot be defined

 

We fight in one skull, that has been confined

Out bodies and our souls cannot be defined

I’ll take back what is mine, as just Me

 

Burning Mass Of Water

If someone would                             

hand me a knife right now

I’d pick it up carefully

Spin it between my finger

Considering the temptation

As I set it in the middle

Of the table, so children

Cannot reach

 

Fight with my old memories

The bitter cold slapping my face

Telling me to cut my skull

In half

So the thoughts can be free

And not have deal with

The water mill in my head

Carrying lead rather than water

Silver, light, metal

Spinning to power the

Aching in my body

 

Depressing my chest

Then inhale again

So maybe the depressing

In my mind won’t come up

To the surface

Like my body will

When the time comes

 

Even the vocal chords

And bass that normally makes

My heart jump is making

My stomach twist like the marching band

Is having a competitions

In its pit.

 

I enter the rollerskating rink

Just to find my thoughts

being like the children

Lively, spinning, and racing

My brain must have sucked

up the energy

The children slow down

It’s time to go

But my brain is not ready

Not until the next set of rugrats

Start their game of circles

I am slow again

We must not have synchronized

Our schedules

 

My words fall out

From between my lips

Too loud and happy

Oh so happy

My insides try to figure out

How can a raincloud catch

On fire

We’ve never needed a firefighter

Up so high in the sky

Who know’s if the ladder will even

Reach up here

 

The fire burns out

On it’s own and with the

Help of the rain starting to deplete the

Cloud

We are both falling apart

Not able to stand or

Float

On our own

We are gone

Our days are over

Until we renew

 

I am not over

I have a big life ahead of me

The burning mass of water

Will not be gone

There is too much to do

That includes sunshines

And swimming pools

Whose only similarity

Is that they are both joyful

Happy

Places to

belong

Jail Time For Your Crimes

Vandalism of my heart

Legal guns pull me apart

Drugging up my useless brain

Handcuffing me to my own pain

 

Intoxication to forget stomach knots

Break and enter into my thoughts

High speed chase with just my legs

Assault that happens in my head

 

Larceny takes each memory

Kidnapping brings them back to me

Murder me when they come inside

Identity theft, they are not mine

 

Arson to burn down my fears

Homicide to kill my tears

Hate crimes against my soul

Harassment against the things they  stole

 

Welcome to the house for crimes

You are welcome any time

I’m not the one who needs a bail

It’s you all who belong in jail

 

Dirt On My Platter

Hi guys! It’s been a REALLY long time since I have written on here, but I am back. I thought I’d share a new poem with you all.

The pills

They take a toll on you

Make your head feel like a balloon

You walk

When they yell run

And you are finished before they are done

I don’t want this to be over

Cause it’s all I’ve ever known

But they tell me to go sober

And I can’t cut off from the cards I was thrown

 

Take me the end of the world

Watch me consider jumping over the edge

I’ll be right there at the ledge

And the world wants me to be dead

 

I’ve gone through the struggle

I’ve gone through the war

I’ve gone through hell twice

And I won’t anymore

The world’s on my platter

My life’s at my feet

But I step on my future

Dirt’s nothing to eat

 

 I run

Circles around the truth

Honesty is hiding behind a suit

Lies kill

Just like heroin

But no one thought to tell me it’s a sin

Drugs must be easier than

Hearing the monsters

And carving my skin

But drugs are just imposters.

 

They drown out the garbage

They will drown out accusers

But they drown out the future

And kill their abuser

 

I’ve gone through the struggle

I’ve gone through the war

I’ve gone through hell twice

And I won’t anymore

The world’s on my platter

My life’s at my feet

But I step on my future

Dirt’s nothing to eat

 

I want to end this once and for all

So no longer will I be the one who will fall

I’ll stand up straight, I’ll stand up tall

And My platter will be empty

Goodbye (Him)

Sometimes life is no more than pain

She reaches for what is not there

Her fingers clasp the chain

Around her neck

But all she gets is air

 

Reaches for the horizon

But its always ten feet away

Maybe if she grabs on

This time

She’ll be okay

 

He left her with more scars to heal

More bruises on her eyes

She can’t see what she doesn’t feel

All she feels

Is twisted insides

 

A mirror shows the skeleton

She has been for years

Remembers back when she was young

Less gray hair

Less blood red tears

 

All these years wasted

Loves lost; hate gained

Too many bitter flavors tasted

Left her breath caught in lungs

Her eyes always strained

 

She remembers his touch

The way his fingers stroked her cheek

She takes it in; it’s too much

He left her begging for strength

But now her bones are weak

 

Maybe someday she’ll see him

Be reunited, by his side

But it won’t be until the end

When she lets go

And says goodbye

Blood Stains

I hate myself

When I hate you

It’s got nothing to do

With your pride

All I feel is guilt

The walls that you built

To lock me up inside

 

You keep me in your castle

One without nice things

You keep me trying to move on

Brass knuckles are your rings

The main reminds me of you

The memory remains

Long after you have walked away

Left with me like blood stains

 

I jumped each time

You told me to

I fell right through

Your lies

The ones you told me

You know, I can see

Though you think that I am blind

 

You keep me in your castle

One without nice things

You keep me trying to move on

Brass knuckles are your rings

The main reminds me of you

The memory remains

Long after you have walked away

Left with me like blood stains

 

You broke me down so much it hurt

The pieces do  not fit

The puzzle that I turned into

Each time you told me “This is it”

Now I’m telling you the truth

I am finally over you

 

I broke out of the castle

I filled it with nice things

For all the rest that you threw in

I gave them all white wings

To let them leave when they want to

Instead of when you say

I found a way to clean this up

Remove all the blood stains

Partners In Crime

I have another installment in the Carter Rose series that I put out a while ago. This one comes after the break up and Carter trying to fix things. Carter is a character that I really like, and I can’t wait to do more with her. I write some of my best work from other people’s points of view. It would be interesting to have an album full of Carter songs, but I need to get music for them first. I am going to work on that.

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You’re standing on the corner

You look me in the eyes

I want to stare back, but I can’t

So I just walk on by

 

It hurts to know you miss me

Why can’t I just admit

I more than miss you too

Not what you put me through

 

Looking back, I think about

Everything you said

When you left that Friday night

Raining hard, but you went outside

I want to believe we can fix this

But you don’t seem to care

I know that disregard just hides

The love you want on the inside

So come back, You’re just in time

We can once again be partners in crime

 

I decide you call you

Hope your number hasn’t changed

It’s been ten months, hope you pick up

But the telephone just rang

 

Please don’t forget what I gave

And everything you shared

We fit like a dress, custom made

But the seams are beyond repair

 

I try to sew them up

But you pull out every stitch

When you’re around the thread is loose

I think we should start over soon

But you don’t want to

I shouldn’t want to

Looking back, I think about

Everything you said

When you left that Friday night

Raining hard, but you went outside

I want to believe we can fix this

But you don’t seem to care

I know that disregard just hides

The love you want on the inside

So come back, You’re just in time

We can once again be partners in crime

You said goodbye, that should be it

I’m sorry I’m not done quite yet

I’ll let go and let you be

It’s time I learn how to be me

Heroes

Inspiration comes from everywhere, but for me, it comes a lot from my experiences and other writings I see. I don’t copy the artist’s work, but I’m not afraid to admit that I look at it to motivate me when I can’t think of anything else to write. This poem has a writing style much like a lot of my favorite songs, but the topic is completely mt own. I am quite proud of this poem. The rhyming was difficult, and I hope it had a good result. Here is “Heroes”.

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We can’t go on

Living in this tortured way

The only sky above us

Is pouring down the rain

The drops are falling quicker

They seem like they’re grenades

The pin has been pulled, They want to duel

Playing their wicked game

 

The gun is up against my head

Until I tell the lies

They think that those lies are the truth

But that is hidden inside

If I tell them what I think

the world is sure to die

Everything will be gone, life will go on

For those who said “Goodbye”

 

They laugh because they think

We are truly dead

I scoff because I know the truth

We live in pride instead

The sky is now a midnight blue

The grass is stained with red

But we survived, throughout the night

No matter what they said

 

We are whole and stand as one

Although they pushed us down

The ones who hate have helped us up

Although they don’t know how

Where they once kicked us on our knees

They are the ones who bow

Because we won, we were not done

We are the heroes now

Letting Go and Stuck

Yesterday, it was brought to my attention that I hang on to the past. I was asked if I was feeling comfortable with it and if I had found anything good in it. My answer was simple. No. I have not come to peace with everything that has happened, and I am not okay with that. Hanging onto the past is not healthy, but I still do it. Eventually I am hoping that I realize there is always good in the bad. It is the most difficult thing I am dealing with right now, and I hope I can learn form myself. Today’s poems go together. The first is about how I am, and the second is how I want to be.

Stuck

I hang on and I hang on

It has been going on for too long

The past is always the present

The moon is never full, just a crescent

Not worth thinking about

Yet I do it and I doubt

Myself and my whole life

Have I done anything right?

If my past is who I was

Why is it defining everything my life does?

I need to let go

The problem is, I know

This is not how I want to be

Everything in my head churning

Over and over until I am stuck

When I start, I am out of luck

Everything is going to stay

I didn’t want to let go anyway

Letting Go

Looking for the good in the past

Like having a broken arm without a cast

It hurts when you start

And you want to pull yourself apart

Then you start to realize

You could do it all that time

Behind you might be the worst

Thing you have ever done before

But it is also the best

Pick out the good from the rest

It’s like taking out a stitch

Gets you out of the ditch

Painful but necessary

Helpful but scary

Lets you move on

Stand up and walk along

Your past does not define you at all

Though it might take up your thoughts

Release them and be free

Letting go is key

If you are comfortable with what happened

Everything will be alright in the end

Why?

Listening to people at lunch and watching the news are what inspired today’s poem. I’m not sure what the world is coming to, but I know that I don’t like it. Nobody likes it. Have any of you heard about the latest abduction that has taken place? The one with the girl taken from UVA after drinking? That took place around 45 minutes away from me, and it is scary. Why does this have to happen? Why can’t people just love each other? I don’t know the answer to these questions, but I do know that I want it to stop. That is all. This poem is about all of this. Please enjoy today’s poem with the rightfully name of  “Why?” Thank you.

Don’t want to be different

Don’t want to be the same

I’m so sick of playing

Life’s stupid game

It takes out the best

It brings up the worst

Making the world

So much less than it is worth

 

There is pointless violence

Making noise into silence

 

Shootings everyday

What have we come to?

Unnecessary killings

When will this be through?

 

One minute there are fights

Then there are lost flights

 

Rapes and abductions

Another girl is gone

The sad fact is we know

It will be another before too long

Death over a candy bar

And riots in the town

Turning into something more

Why can’t we turn it down?

 

Ebola breaking out

Hurting even the most devout

 

Another two school shootings

Both in one day

We can’t keep living like this

Can’t survive this way

 

Please make all of this stop

We need our police to be cops

 

White house is less secure

People breaking in

But they are also breaking

The trust that was already thin

 

We need to take action

To stop raising the fractions

 

If we stand together

Maybe look after each other

Things will look brighter

The days will get better

Put others first

Instead of thinking of ourselves

Look past today

Put the hatred on the shelf