Murky Sky

I almost

Fell of the edge of the world

Hoping the universe will

Call me home

I’ll waltz among

The stars

Tango with the meteors

Get drawn in by a

Blackhole
It feels like I am

Stuck here

Kicking

Screaming

Trying to clutch onto

The nothingness

All I see is the movie reel

Of my life

Swirling in my head

As I swirl around in the

Blank abyss

 

Suddenly

I reach for hope

And I find it

A way out

An entrance back to

The place I call home

It might not be on stable ground

But I am finding my way through the

Murky sky

Waiting for strength to be

Held down by

Gravity

Advertisements

Stars In My Eyes

 

I’m waiting

For the sun to go down

So you can see the stars in my eyes

 

For once the shadows behind my lids

Have dispersed and

Bright lights shine like a happy memory

 

It’s hard to remember the last time

A thought twinkled enough

To be seen

 

Sometimes the otherside

Of my memory steals

The lights and blows out the candles

 

Today though

The whisper of sunshine

Takes over the stars

 

At my darkest times long ago

The stars would come

From lightyears away, already burnt out

 

Now, the sun is the brightest

At day and night

You can see the fire within

 

I know I will burn out

Sometime when I am not expecting it

But there will always be someone to ignite

 

The stars and the sunshine

Will always be within me

As long as someone holds the matches

 

That someone

Will sometimes have to be

Me

The Bill

As the wind turns to a hurricane

The storm spins faster in my brain

Chaos mixes with insane

Deep cuts turn into the deepest pain

 

My heart is hit with rocks of hail

Can’t fill the hole with just one pail

I need to go and raise the sail

To leave behind all the junk mail

 

Rip one envelope to see

The bill telling the price of me

It costs too much for me to be

The melody and the harmony

 

The music of ice landing on my skin

Melting to show the fire that roars within

The notes hit my body like a violin

I’m doing all it will take to win

 

Give me my money and I’ll give you gold

If you treat me gently, I’ll do what I’m told

But I will no longer let my blood turn cold

I’ll be my own person, I will not be sold

I Touched The Sky

I touched the sky

Not long ago

I watched it cry

As tears fell below

The clouds were kind

Until they changed

Into my mind

All over gray

The sun was high

Too far to reach

I could not find

The fiery peach

It’s pit was mine

Inside my heart

It grew each time

I fell apart

Love shines bright

But hate glows more

A black of night

With hurt in store

I’d rather burn

The candle of fear

So it will mourn

And melt in tears

I’ll grab a net

And catch the hope

It will be wet

Paint drying slow

Someday I’ll find

Armour of gold

To wrap my mind

Safe from the cold

I’ll get a net

Fish in the sky

I’ll catch what yet

Was to be mine

The fire will scar

Me with my name

For now, here we are

And will never be the same

Phoenix

 

My brain and heart clash

Watch my body turn to ash

I burn down like a tree of wood dry

I water the remains with each tear I cry

The salt builds an ocean in the roots underground

Spreading through branches that are already bound

They try to break free but I can’t let go

This trunk is my only chance to grow

It seems I can’t do anything right

I always block the sunlight

It burns me into crispy skin

Falling apart with each dying limb

I start to try to climb the tree

But it won’t accept me

I’ve made mistakes, but haven’t we all?

The beautiful oak is soon to fall

No matter how far I reach up high

There is no use to even try

A stump is all that’s left of me now

Cut down by trees who are falling down

We are all smoke in a fire that won’t leave

Remains of what the world doesn’t see

Then something strange happens to us all

Our bodies come back into beings, all tall

Look around and see a red bird

With the most beautiful call I’ve ever heard

He tells us we’re back from the dirt we became

A phoenix with no home and no name

We rose above from what I had done

The phoenix has saved me from what I’ve become

I’ve risen above as a bird of the night

Ready to join in on the flight

Perfectly Imperfect

I’m far away

From perfection

Each time I look at my reflection

I see the pain behind my eyes

The stomach that doesn’t feel right

I hate the way I am

Some days more than others

 

I wish I wish with all my heart

I can get through this life

Without falling apart

I’ve broken down more times than I can count

I rebuild then my foundation falls out

P8ick me up one more time

Glue me together so you can’t see the lines

I might not like what I see

But I’m me and I’m free to say

I’m perfectly imperfect

 

Mirrors are my biggest fear

They show me all that is wrong

They show the sour note in my song

I trust the cracked idea I have

Of who I am, I see the bad

I hate the way I am

Wish I could stay undercover

 

I wish I wish with all my heart

I can get through this life

Without falling apart

I’ve broken down more times than I can count

I rebuild then my foundation falls out

P8ick me up one more time

Glue me together so you can’t see the lines

I might not like what I see

But I’m me and I’m free to say

I’m perfectly imperfect

 

The hourglass runs out

While I wish it was my figure

The pull is at a five foot ten

At five foot three, it’s hard to swim

I may be cracked into pieces

But I am still perfectly unbroken

On the inside

 

I wish I wish with all my heart

I can get through this life

Without falling apart

I’ve broken down more times than I can count

I rebuild then my foundation falls out

P8ick me up one more time

Glue me together so you can’t see the lines

I might not like what I see

But I’m me and I’m free to say

I’m perfectly imperfect

 

I won’t break down, or tell you my secret

I am perfectly imperfect

Waltzing Through Black Holes

Going down the wrong road

Is easier than finding your way back

It’s simple to slide through the mud

And dance through black holes

But getting out of them

When your feet are stuck in outer space

Is nearly impossible

Ballroom dancing turns to bawling

Skipping feet turn to skipping hearts

My heart pounds with each attempt to break free

My muscles are falling apart

My brain is turning into pieces

Puzzles of blurry images

And jagged edges that don’t seem to fit

I look down below me

I see a kaleidoscope

It brings more colors

And I think I am continuing to safety

But in reality it messes up my steps

Drunken staggering

Then I think

Maybe I don’t need to turn around

Maybe I need to keep trudging through the mud

And waltzing through the black holes

Until I reach stable land

And find out that I am who I am

Because of my walk down the road

 

They say the hardest thing about recovery

Is making it not to the start

But to the end of a long hard path

Where you can start again