Naked

The war between you and your mind

Becomes a war between you and the world

Water pours, but so does blood

Gunshots hurt, but so do words

Telling yourself that you are something

Doesn’t work

Because they tell you that you are trash

Sure, someone’s trash is someone else’s treasure

But there is nobody in the world

That can make you feel that yourself

You trip, you fall

Broken legs mean nothing

When you have a broken mind

A broken heart

A broken life

Everything hurts when your brain

Wants you dead

Pain comes out as tears

Tears come out as bloodshot eyes

Bloodshot eyes become your signature look

No matter how many layers of clothing you have on

You are naked

Exposed to the wind filled with

Debris mixed with hatred

Leaves with veins that let out

Indifference

Nobody cares when the air

Blows your hair

And you can’t seem to let go

Of everything holding you down

It keeps you in place

When you want the wind to

push you forward

But you are stuck

You were wrong

It could get worse

Towers

My winter break has been filled with music. I will be sharing some of my favorites that I have discovered the last few days in my next post. This one, however, is a poem I wrote today. It is about wanting to change but not being able to. It is being stuck in one place. That is a tough position to be in. This poem is a bit depressing, but there is a sense of hope. Here is “Towers”

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The towers

Seem so high

When you are only

two foot nine

When you get older

You want to climb

Get to the top

Where the world is behind

 

But as the years go by

The high doesn’t seem so high

 

You want to escape

You want to appear

In a second dimension

Far away from here

Where nobody mentions

Your past mistakes

Where nobody points out

The wrong turns you make

 

The steps down the roads

Where no one should go

 

You twisted, you bent

But didn’t fit the mold

No matter how much you melted

Your shape didn’t hold

You tried to cut off

The sharp edges and points

Become a circle

Gray like an old coin

 

Still nobody looked

At you like they should

 

You cry out for help

But nobody ever hears

You try to change your ways

The only thing that changes is the year

Time passes by

As your life does the same

Nothing seems to work

All you want is a change

 

But life hurdles forward

As your feet are buried in the dirt

 

Stay with me for now

You will change before long

If you don’t very soon

You can say I was wrong

But those words won’t come out

If you get out a shovel

Dig your toes out of the ground

Pop the steel bubble

 

That holds you in place

You will be okay

Letting Go and Stuck

Yesterday, it was brought to my attention that I hang on to the past. I was asked if I was feeling comfortable with it and if I had found anything good in it. My answer was simple. No. I have not come to peace with everything that has happened, and I am not okay with that. Hanging onto the past is not healthy, but I still do it. Eventually I am hoping that I realize there is always good in the bad. It is the most difficult thing I am dealing with right now, and I hope I can learn form myself. Today’s poems go together. The first is about how I am, and the second is how I want to be.

Stuck

I hang on and I hang on

It has been going on for too long

The past is always the present

The moon is never full, just a crescent

Not worth thinking about

Yet I do it and I doubt

Myself and my whole life

Have I done anything right?

If my past is who I was

Why is it defining everything my life does?

I need to let go

The problem is, I know

This is not how I want to be

Everything in my head churning

Over and over until I am stuck

When I start, I am out of luck

Everything is going to stay

I didn’t want to let go anyway

Letting Go

Looking for the good in the past

Like having a broken arm without a cast

It hurts when you start

And you want to pull yourself apart

Then you start to realize

You could do it all that time

Behind you might be the worst

Thing you have ever done before

But it is also the best

Pick out the good from the rest

It’s like taking out a stitch

Gets you out of the ditch

Painful but necessary

Helpful but scary

Lets you move on

Stand up and walk along

Your past does not define you at all

Though it might take up your thoughts

Release them and be free

Letting go is key

If you are comfortable with what happened

Everything will be alright in the end